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Sarcastic Patriot Dictionary

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There are currently 97 names in this directory
ABORTION
.An unfairly named medical procedure that puts undue attention on a fetus, the one oppressed minority liberals don’t think is deserving of civil rights that can actually be found in the Constitution.

ABSTRACT ART
.Ugly pictures, sculptures, paintings and pretty much anything else that ostensibly has meaning to charlatans who over-intellectualize them in a perpetual game of brinksmanship that seeks to find a one-eyed king in the land of the aesthetically blind.

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION
.Preferential treatment given in education and employment on the basis of one’s status as a minority. So it’s basically institutionalized racism created to end institutionalized racism, and for some unknown reason it’s not working.

BACKGROUND CHECK
. Something that only people with nothing to hide would willingly agree to, so naturally Democrats think it's nifty for everyone except their presidential candidates.

BECAUSE
.The word that helps begin an explanation of things. Liberals have long since replaced this with “racist.”

BENGHAZI
.That time when Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton covered up their own willful incompetence in the deaths of four Americans by claiming a YouTube video could beat up their foreign policy.

BIG BANG THEORY
.The theory that all of existence came into being with a…big bang…from nothing…for no apparent reason. “Free thinking” atheists rely on this story of creation because it’s much more logical and reasonable than believing in God.

BLACK FRIDAY
.The Thanksgiving holiday event where retail businesses make everything A LOT cheaper, starting with Thanksgiving.

BOOK
.A work of writing collected and bound in pages or uploaded to a kindle. When a liberal writes one of these other liberals will post links to the book during social media debates, and then urge conservatives to read it (even though they probably haven’t themselves) in lieu responding to or making an arguments of their own.

BRAINWASHING
.An ironic term for the indoctrination of liberal morality.

BUDGET DEFICIT
.A necessary evil Democrats are willing to accept until Republicans figure out America doesn’t need a military.

BUREAUCRACY
.What we call the vastness of government and most large corporations. Black holes envy bureaucracies because they suck up the one thing a black hole can’t…the soul of a human.

CAPITALISM
.The reason communists/socialists/Democrats have for existing. Without capitalism they would have absolutely no parade to rain on.

CHOCOLATE
.Racism, tasty and delicious racism… OR when liberals sugarcoat racism against minorities.

CHRISTMAS
.The only birthday celebration in history where literally everyone is invited, while many who celebrate don't even believe the birthday boy exists.

CLIMATE CHANGE
. Basically, it's "global warming" in sheep's clothing. Liberals insist it is the cause of everything that is bad in the world, i.e. terrorism and, apparently, the end of the ice age. Anyone who suggests this might be wrong is ironically branded as anti-science.

COFFEE
.The lifeblood of big business like Starbucks which keeps self-indulgent “Anthropology of Feminist History Studies” majors employed and off welfare so they can continue, unabated, their focus on hating capitalism.

COMMUNISM
.1. A failed ideology that has killed over 100 million people and still “sounds good on paper” to people who are too dumb to know that paper doesn’t f***ing talk. 2. Equality is achieved when everyone is poor, because then nobody is. This is better than capitalism because asking why will get you killed by people who appointed themselves, for the greater good, to be a little more equal than you.

COMPASSION
.For those who worship at the altar of government this usually this manifests itself through mandated confiscation of other people’s money under the rationale “they don’t need it” in order to give it to people who redundantly go from “needy” to “need government.”

CONSTITUTION
.The foundational document for the laws that keep us trapped in this earthly bourgeois purgatory called the United States. In all actuality, the Constitution is a glorified piece of protected toilet paper that is considered the holy grail of Scandinavia-loving liberal Democrat asses everywhere.

CYBER MONDAY
.The day for online stores to offer MEGA discounts if they operate with the mentality of newspapers and are unaware of Black Friday.

DEATH
.The moment when atheists become believers. See also Genesis.

DEATH ROW
.Where the worst of the worst criminals go to be aborted from society. Liberals have a major moral objection to this up to the point where you replace “criminals” with “fetus” and change the spelling to “Death Roe.”

DEBATE
.An argument between two opposing points of view. In politics debates usually consist of one side being represented by a left-wing liberal Democrat, and the other side being represented by the winner.

DEBT
.Absolutely no idea what that is when a Democrat is president, and when they’re not in the White House it’s a three-letter word to Joe Biden.

DEMOCRAT
.A member of a political party led by people who believe they are speaking for those who don’t have a voice, which is a polite way of saying its members are the politically deaf, dumb, and blind.

DONALD TRUMP
.What America gets when it crosses a billion dollars with a RINO, a combover, and a rude version of Andrew Dice Clay. He also serves as the answer to the question how low did Obama's legacy set the bar for future presidents.

EARPLUGS
.Also known as “free speech plugs” as they not only prevent conservative ideas from entering a liberal’s head, but they also prevent deafness from shouting down conservative ideas.

ECONOMICS
.The rules and theories about choices made with a scarcity of resources. The only way you could get Democrats to ignore these more is if you wrote a constitution for them.

EMPOWERING
.A word used by “sex-positive” feminists to convince themselves that being used as receptacles for porn is a good thing if it pays rent and goes on an IRS 1040 form.

ENDORSEMENT
.When celebrities and newspapers think their approval lends credibility to politicians or an ever so slightly more intelligent inanimate object.

EQUALITY
A belief that the “have nots” should elect people into power to incrementally take away from the “haves” until they have the same amount of stuff as the “have-nots.” By then we reach a point where the only “haves” left are the ones elected by the “have-nots.”

ESTATE TAX
.Basically, “till death do us part” doesn’t count with government. Your death is considered an act of divorce and the Estate Tax is Uncle Sam’s alimony.

EVIDENCE
.Facts, figures, and reasoning used to substantiate an argument. When employed against a Democrat, use of evidence is the best known way to gauge one’s “privilege” and bigotry.

EVOLUTION
.The belief that all life began as single-cell organisms that mutated without that ooze the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bathed in.

EXTREMIST
.The word liberals use to describe radical Islamic terrorism in place of "radical Islamic terrorism," because they have confused being polite with stupidity.

FEEL THE BERN
.Contrary to conventional wisdom dictating that this is a motto of a sexual predator, or the description a symptom for an STD, liberals uncritically think this is a splendidly clever way to show support for Bernie Sanders.

GENESIS
.The story of how God created existence. Since it doesn’t follow the scientific method atheists have opted a much more reasonable theory that the vastness of the universe, the order of solar systems, the mindboggling complexity of DNA, and the intangible yet concrete nature of the mind just happened…from nothing…after a “big bang.” See also Big Bang Theory

GLOBAL WARMING
.The belief that the Earth as Al Gore put it, “has a fever.” So, Dr. Gore and others like him have made it their mission to force the masses to trade in their Toyota Corollas for buses and bikes so they can feel less guilty about going to the grocery store in a private jet with a license plate holder that says, “my other ride is your peasant ass.”

GOD
.Some made up being of perfection that weak-minded people turn to for guidance and peace, and salvation in their lives because they aren’t enlightened enough to place all of their faith in government.

GUN
.A very mystical and confusing object to Democrats. Apparently, it’s the only inanimate object in existence capable of committing murder, and the only thing, ever, that government could ban that wouldn’t end up on the black market.

HALLOWEEN
.The one day a year where people dress up as something silly and ridiculous (President Jeb Bush), or nightmarishly scary (President Hillary Clinton), or feminine/sexy/slutty (anything with a skirt and clevage…anything) or all of them combined (Caitlyn Jenner).

HAPPY NEW YEAR
.An utterly meaningless phrase since 2009, and if it was an ambassador then President Hillary Clinton would send it to Benghazi.

HARD WORK
.Something you have to do if you want to make enough money to pay the taxes needed to fund welfare, but you can't call yourself a hard worker unless you're a slave...and you're not a slave because you can always choose to not work for welfare.

HILLARY CLINTON
.But for the Godlessness of the left and the lack of it being mentioned in the Bible, this is the personification of the argument that could have been made that Satan had an evil twin sister.

ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION
.Squatters who provide cheap labor for business and cheaper votes for Democrats, all for the low low price of the United States of America.

INCANDESCENT BULB
.A device that brings light by channeling energy from the fires of hell. Luckily this instrument of evil was banned in 2014, giving way to progress in the form mercury laced bulbs that can’t be disposed of without a HAZMAT suit and a quarantine perimeter.

INTERNET
.If liberal rhetoric had kryptonite the internet would be it.

IRAN
.The JV team of nuclear powered countries. Liberals remain supremely confident we are safe from them because it wasn’t Allah they were booing at the 2012 Democratic National Convention.

ISIS
.A terrorist organization. If ever included in a crossword puzzle their clue would be “four-letter word for Barack Obama’s legacy.”

ISLAM
.The one religion liberal atheists feel any trace of kinship with because it too demands that non-believers convert or die.

JESUS CHRIST
.The original Superman. Except infinitely more powerful. For example, Supes needs to float while Jesus can walk on water. That’s because God Himself is His father, while Jor El was made totally up. Also, unlike Superman He’s not so make believe to billions of people who would rather believe and be wrong about His existence than face the consequence of not believing, and being wrong about that.

JOBS
.A four-letter profanity to career welfare-recipients, and another three-letter word to Joe Biden.

JUSTICE
.The restoration of peace and balance in civilization against wrongdoing and evil, which is why liberals are glad that it’s blind.

KEYBOARD
.The source of courage a liberal will feel when they are not hanging with their mob from the Occupy days.

LIBERAL
.A person made of a super rubbery substance that causes all logic, common sense, and decency to bounce right off of them.

LOFO
.Short for "low information voter," and another way to say Democrat. But for the liberal bias of the mainstream media these voters could easily be convinced that elections are held on Wednesdays.

MICROAGGRESSION
.A mental illness often suffered by sheltered college students who are infected to believe that anything and everything is offensive if they can successfully suppress the powers of reason and intelligence that separates humans from inanimate objects.

MONEY
.That green leafy stuff that grows on taxpayers. It’s also, it is the root of all evil when socialist liberals don’t possess it.

NOVEMBER
.The month where the holiday season begins. Liberals who want to prove a point will say “happy holidays” over “Merry Christmas” and the most miserable of leftists use this to begin the countdown to Roe v Wade’s anniversary in January.

PEN
.A writing instrument that is mightier than the sword according to some wiener of a writer who has never actually seen a sword.

PLAGIARISM
.When someone steals an idea or work and makes it their own. For instance, every “new” and "original" idea on force feeding equality of economic outcomes hatched by some 21st century "Social Justice Warrior" has already been tried and failed by 20th century communist, mass-murdering dictators.

PLANNED PARENTHOOD
.The Magic Rub Eraser of unprotected sex. Like any eraser, the more it’s used the darker it gets.

PLASTIC BAG
.A useful item that environmentalists say should be banned from use in all businesses, except Planned Parenthood.

POSITIVE THOUGHTS
.“Prayers” requested by godless people who seem completely unaware of the irony. It’s like throwing a letter in a mailbox of a postal service that they don’t even believe exists.

PRO-CHOICE
.A misleading label command and control liberals give themselves to avoid being associated with an 8-letter A-word, which can be confusing to figure out since "abortion" has the same number of letters as "a**holes."

PRO-LIFE
.The extremist belief that a fetus has a right to life and abortion is murder. Supporters of this ideology engage in heinous acts of "domestic terrorism" which include protests, prayer, and voting Republican.

RACISM
.1. The belief that all members of a race or ethnic group is inferior, or that your race is superior to all others. 2. A word liberals use to describe losing an argument to a conservative 3. What Millenials with a public school education think of after riding “It’s a Small World” at Disneyland.

REGULATION
.Rules imposed on the people by bureaucracy, The intention is to facilitate fairness, but inevitably regulations end up micromanaging life itself. Explained in the form of a Mary Poppins jingle: “Just a spoonful of bureaucracy helps the liberty go down.”

RELIGION
.A group of people with a shared belief in the supernatural meaning of life. Usually considered a sort of self-imposed mental prison by atheists who prefer to confine their mind to just the known universe.

REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS
.The salt applied liberally to Planned Parenthood’s rhetoric to make “abortion” taste better.

REPUBLICAN
.The party of American patriots that keeps electing leaders who seem to act around Democrats like they should have been born French.

SAFE SPACE
.1. A mythical place on Earth where liberals feel they should be able to go to espouse their idiocy, consequence free 2. Heaven

SANTA CLAUS
.The patron saint of giving out s**t for free and having to work that gig for just one day a year, and THAT is why Christmas is a federal holiday.

SAUL ALINSKY
.If Karl Marx is the King David of the political lineage that gave America Barack Obama then Saul Alinsky is like John the Baptist.

SCANDINAVIA
.The region of the world that brought us the mythology of Thor (you’re welcome Marvel) and all of the magic, hocus pocus, and make believe that comes with it. See also: socialism.

SCIENCE
.The field of study that explains the workings of nature and the physical world that has evolved from an academic pursuit into a religion for atheists.

SHARIA
.A framework of laws Muslims must follow. They paint a picture of Islam as a religion of peace when presented to liberal infidels who are obviously illiterate.

SHART
.1. A crude slang term for when one defecates while passing gas (a combination of “shit” and “fart”) 2. A contraction of the words “socialist” and “heart”

SMART CAR
.The love child of a Mini Cooper and a Micro Machine. Given its name relative to it’s size, any reasonable person would be led to believe that the director of marketing for such a contraption death and stupidity must be Zombie George Orwell.

SMART PHONE
.Humans will never exceed their creator, God. But Silicon Valley liberals proved themselves capable of creating something that knows more than they do.

SOCIAL JUSTICE

SOCIALISM
.The political philosophy in which as you become most successful in society you also become responsible for paying the fair share of society’s most suck-cessful.

STANDOFF
.A game citizens sometimes play with the government when it refuses to properly play game of "democracy." Unless you're a leftist camped in a tent, fighting for communism, and defecating in public, doing this will get you painted by the media as a "wacko."

STAR WARS
.Freedom fighters who cling bitterly to their right to bear blasters and reliance on "the light side" of a supernatural force who fight evil authoritarian elites who want centralized control of the lives of everyone and everything, even if it means killing children who get in the way...yet liberals think likening Darth Vader to Dick Cheney, instead of themselves, makes complete sense.

STATE OF THE UNION
.A night where all of the narcissism in Washington DC gathers to pretend to care about what the president thinks about them. Watching this on TV is a measure on one’s boredom, believing what is said is a measure of their stupidity.

TAXES
.Money confiscated from you by the government to pay for the government employees pensions, and if there’s anything left over after that…the government.

TEABAGGER
.A derogatory term for conservatives used by envious liberals and RINOs lacking any testicular fortitude of their own.

THANKSGIVING
.1. The day turkeys were born for

2. AKA "Black Friday Eve"

3. The one day of the year in America where liberals join conservatives in giving thanks for a country they constantly feel the need to fundamentally transform.

THE PALINS
.What happens when conservatives who are out of their depth abandon the cause and start keeping up with the Kardashians

TOILET
.A watery grave for pet goldfishes, and once-thriving cultures put in the care of cradle-to-grave government.

UNICORN
.1. Noun used to describe the desired result of any liberal policy 2. What a liberal transforms into after winning a political debate

VHS
.Little boxes that play videos and movies when inserted into VCRs. Still in use by the federal government while agencies continue to evaluate the practical applications of the laser-disc.

WATER
.Life is impossible without it. For example, it’s impossible to grow vegetables without water. The only exception to this are vegetables grown in Hollywood when pouring alcohol and drugs on seeds called “celebrities.”

XENOPHOBIA
.The dislike, hatred, or fear of anything foreign or strange. American liberals are very successful in suppressing these feelings with everyone one in the world except Americans.

YESTERDAY
.The assumed birthday of everyone a Democrat shares their opinions with.

ZOO
.Animal concentration camps. Shutting them down is next on the liberal to-do list, right after winning the war on Planned Parenthood.
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